im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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