I heard we made out
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
