im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
