You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
whose ass print is on the piano?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
