dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
