Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
