Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i think my cat just said my name.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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