Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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