I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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