I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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