well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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