the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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