Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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