take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
