the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God, I missed his penis.
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