why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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