He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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