I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why did my mother make you get naked?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
