ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
