I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
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