she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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