I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
