Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I did not marry a roomba.
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