I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
