Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize