Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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