his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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