apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
