when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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