just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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