nut hugger
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mom said you looked used
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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