i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
