Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize