i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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