i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
