I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
