I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
