Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
