I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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