so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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