Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
