I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
