It's like God shit irony all over that family
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
