DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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