She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
