If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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