Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
