In America we eat man semen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
