His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
