i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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