I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
