I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
