I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
