You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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