I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
