All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
