i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
