I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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