Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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