just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
