I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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