It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
