Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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