i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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