Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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