I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize